time doesnt really stop

so tomorrow is your viewing and then your funeral is on monday. i got some good news today. i got another month to settle things down here in toronto. mainly because i want to make sure i can get the tattoo done and pack properly without having to rush my ass off. but ya. got lots to do on the monday. im gonna head down to new tribe after your funeral and make some phone calls later on that night. its going to be a rough couple days but i think i'll manage. i have to save some pictures of you dude. it will remind me of what you represented. happiness and funny. with the occasional shit talking. i really miss that. kat told me about the open casket viewing today. i had to seriously consider it, but i dont think i will be able to do it. i dont think i can see you like that and have that image be the last one of you i see. i need to remember you at your best. at absolute comedy laughing. being checked out by that guy. you know who im talking about. i need to know that you are the same adam that i know and love. i need to know that whenever i think about you, the only thing that comes to mind are good things. this is why i cant bear to see you when you look nothing like yourself. i dont think you would want me to see that either. i hope your mom understands. kat has been real supportive and i will try my best to watch out for her too. but honestly. i think shes mega tough. she can take care of herself. but i'll let her know i'll be there if she ever needs anything. i talked to my mom the other day about you. i broke down. and i dont think she will ever see me the same again. but that means i am not 100% robot. it takes a special kind of person to get close to me and for me to actually care about them a great deal. and you are the most special type of person there is. i miss you buddy. cant wait to see you after this is all said and done. dont worry. i wont rush it.