Insomniac blah...#3

awake...AGAIN! dang, why is sleep such a hard thing to come by for me? you know the average person takes around 7 minutes to fall asleep...why cant i be one of those people? routine day as usual, get up, eat, print notes, study, TV, more TV, go to school, take quizz, ace quizz, attend lecture, get bored, draw, leave class, eat, go home, shower, cant sleep, log on...dang, lawyers again taking their sweet time, why is it that lawyers make so much money for working so slow? i mean, does paper work really cost that much? thats why there are so many people in law school right now, its like an investment, you make up for it later, unless you suck...but of course there will never be a shortage of people getting into shit therefore there will never be a shortage of people needing people to help them get out of shit...i guess they do some good. been thinking a lot, i mean, sometimes to do the right thing, one must give up what they want most...is that a fair trade? is doing whats right worth so much more than the things you desire most? i guess thats relative to circumstance. no one can have everything, but everyone can have nothing. is this world really about balance? many times bad deeds go unpunished, and good deeds go unrewarded...but a good deed is its own reward right??? i mean all you hear about these days is how people keep getting taken advantage of and thats not right. but its like the food chain, who does the people on the bottom take advantage of? surely not the ones at the top. then is there really balance to this almighty formula we call our cosmos? it seems not. theories like justice and rightjeousness are things that can take forever to explain but it takes a moment to feel. thats the amazing thing about being human, there are emotions that cannot be explained but can only be felt. like the feeling of 'good' when one does something nice. the feeling of 'just' when one is punished for ones crime. but there isnt enough of that going around. too many suffer, too many get away, too many to be balanced? no. another point...if good is 'good' then does it need to be balanced with bad? if that is what we as human beings strive towards, does that not mean eventually its all good? there should be no need for a counter balance for good, but that seems to be so. an over counter balancing actually, it seems one sees 10 bad things before 1 good thing is done. i know a good cannot be measured but that just doesnt seem to be a fair trade. 10 to 1??? if good is so hard to come by i'd rather there be no bad nor good. just neutrality. i know there will be no good, but there will be no bad either...too bad i dont have the mysterious cosmic power to rearrange life...but it may be a positive for others that power of that sort is not placed in me... maybe...im...just...tired...and...need...some...rest...