?...faith

when it comes down to it...its pretty obvious that evolution is the way to go, but does that necessarily mean that creationism is false? maybe its just mistaken...instead of a being creating the heavens and earth and everything is just as it was, maybe this being just created the universe and tipped the first domino starting the chain of events we call the big bang (also my nickname...jokes). but if this being is something that exists, then is the picture more like the preplaced dominos all falling in order one after another, or is the picture more like a pebble in the water, rippling randomly?

can it be that everything happens for a reason? well in retrospect this can always be said...then what about faith? hope? have you ever had something that you had to deal with...but with all your intellectual abilities have tried to find ways to attempt to solve this problem...but have been met with nothing but defeat and a feeling of helplessness? when you reach this point, does it make sense to just say 'fuck it' and place faith or hope in the being for maybe he will actually let good things happen to good people.

but then again...no one ever said life was fair, or that it was even meant to be. this is evident in all the atrocities we see today either on the news or anything more close to home. another one of those reasons that destroys the incentive to place faith in the being. maybe its because of my lack of patience/inner peace that is refusing me sight of what is truly important, and how small a spec my problems are in the greater scheme of life...but then again do i really care about the life of people i do not know? i cant say i do.

a friend asked me a couple days ago if there was 1 thing i could have that would make me truly happy what would i have. i thought about it for a while and came up with the answer ive been hoping for since 4 years ago...but hardcore hoping since maybe 2 years ago...it is a state of being, like a situation or circumstance, and nope, has nothing to do with my brother. all the failures of my attempts to manually create the situation has led me to nothing but an empty feeling of helplessness and it is this same feeling that makes me stop having faith in any sort of being, however it is this same helplessness feeling that points me in the only direction...towards faith

if everything you go through in life is a preparation for things to come later in life...i must say...im not really looking forward to the future...if you could have any one thing that would make you happy...what would it be? what would it be indeed...