discombobulated...

"whenever i have extra time,

i just sit and stare

now im writing down the lines,

the source of my despair

the type of person who listens to logic,

as opposed to inner emotions

many of the results often turn tragic,

as opposd to happiness in motion

many questions i have had,

answers i have a few

even more ideas that seem bad,

most of them are new

just pondering about life and its meaning,

using philosophy as a guide

just wandering in the dark dreaming,

no longer a victim of pride

sure i am more fortunate than many,

and less fortunate than a couple

as a result - my worries are plenty,

alsmost as plenty as my troubles

trying to solve my problems one by one,

but somethings are beyond my control

therefore it feels like i solve none,

and the helplessness takes its toll

confused about reasons and purpose,

attributing everything as a test

truth - just wishing to learn this,

and not caring about the rest

but even knowing this - something seems missing,

an emptiness to be filled

waiting to finally stop glistening,

that day i will be thrilled

i hate things i cant control - like certain matters of the heart

i hate being discombobulated - confused about my part

giving myself a deadline - to start living my life

but every moment wasted - is a moment lived in strife

why cant i just do it - like my mind is telling

my courage wont allow it - all thats left is dwelling

frustration has been my neighbour - closer than i please

fighting to be centred - needing to be at peace"

-but cant