1 month

so its been 1 month. still a little hard to believe dude. i went by your grave today and it caved in more than last time. which makes no sense to me. they better do something about it. i saw the pink roses as well. pretty classy stuff. im sure you like it. then i went by your parents. spoke to your dad briefly as i did see him the entire day on sat. more on that later. but i spoke to your mom as well. something i didnt get to do last week. shes totally torn up about you. i mean. she told me she cant even see kids your age because she will get sad. good thing im older, so its cool for me to say hi. she was out of the house today, in good weather too. hopefully she gets a bit better and moves on little by little. although its really hard to even say move on in this context. it makes no sense really. anyway. i spent the last few days copying your cds. well the ones that your dad had on him anyway. i can tell its your earlier work coz its not really mixes, just compilation of songs. but your brother has a stack of your mixes which i cant wait to get my hands on. but ya. my visit to your home today was brief. but i will be back next week. and the week after that and the one after that. all the way till i have to leave this country. but this was your weekend. caribana. omg. caribana. the largest congragation of black people i have ever seen. it was actually not as crazy as i thought it would have been. but crazy none the less. the morning was a little hectic coz everyone was late besides me. and i rushed. which sucked. coz i could have slept. more. but when we got down there, that was it. i went with your dad, catherine, and robbie. your soccer friend. nice guy. but your dad was repping you to the fullest. doing his wines and all that. the caribana girls were mmd. 90% of them were either overweight, old, ugly or a combination of those. only the asian ones were decent. but some of their costumes were nuts. and dancing along side the parade with the caribana girls was an experience i wont soon forget. the only thing that was missing was you. you would have ripped it up. the sun was out and it was all good. you would have made it much better though. but like i said to you. id go. and i went. and it was fun. and i got a ridiculous tan. and i think all involved had fun. i heard on tv that they said it was probably the best caribana ever. it probably is because you were watching over us. thats all im gonna say for now. i'll talk to you later. and write to you again in a week. miss you adam. do a wine up there for me.

3 weeks

so its another monday. and ive gone through my new routine of visiting you and your parents. i went to see you today and within 2 minutes, i see a car pull up and im like. damn. this isnt kat is it? and it turns out. it is kat. a little awkward, but i did get to say some stuff to you. but i decided to let you two be alone for a bit you know. your grave caved in a little bit due to the rain i think. or maybe it was just you getting upset about them keeping you down so much you needed to break out. probably the latter. then i went by your parents. saw your dad only, coz your mom was either sleeping or crying. i think this is the latter as well. be there for them. let them know you are doing ok. let them know you are in a better place and you are watching over them. give them signs. they need it. unlike me, they are the spiritual and emotional type. they need your reassurance. i believe youre in a better place. i know it. they know it too. but they need more than i need. ive been so wrapped up in all this crazy that i havent really had time to do productive stuff. which will start tomorrow. i got a song i want to rip. its been a while. and i'll also write the love to this sub thing as well. dont worry. ive still got you in my thoughts. and memories of your laugh and smile and our friendship will not be forgotten. but i also gotta do my own thing, you know. my way of moving on. but ya. i'll keep it short today. will see you next week. hopefully i'll have more alone time with you then. bye adam. missing your irreplaceable character.

2 weeks

so its been 2 weeks since you left. it doesnt get easier. but this is the new normal i suppose. i went to see you today. im sure you know. sat with you for a bit. sun was out. all was well. but i was sad. i try telling you about my days but the lack of response solidifies your departure. i dont think i will ever get used to it. i dont think i'll ever forget the way we used to talk. the ease in which we understood each other and how our jokes were quick and plentiful. and how our laughs would just keep growing with each joke. where will i ever find someone like you? i dont know. but when i do, they will remind me of you. adam. my twin brother from another. i went to your home today. saw your parents and probably some aunties i presume. we talked about you. was finally able to open up and share things about you which i felt uncomfortable sharing with others around. just me. and your family. talking about you. telling them how awesome you were. them telling me embarrassing things about you. things i would not stop making fun of you for if i knew when you were still around. wax? really? haha. but im not surprised. your dad told me a few things today about how i have some of you in me. im glad i do. so i'll go around more, maybe that will make them feel like youre still around somehow. in a sexy chinese man. i never really thought about it, but underneath it all, we were more or less the same. hard workers towards things we have a passion for. winners. jokers. optimists. qualities i am proud of. qualities that make me proud of you for having. qualities i will never lose because they are not only parts of me, but they are parts of you. i do not even question how close we could have gotten if we had time. it was inevitable. but now, we will have to take a little break until we meet up again. but until then, i'll keep having converstaions with you. even if you dont respond. i'll know youre listening. you touched me more than you will ever know. and today i learned you have done the same to many many others. im not surprised. and i miss you dearly. your father and i talked about your music and your ability and talent to make things sound original and awesome. i would love to have your mixes all over my ipod, car, everywhere. i dont know. it will make me know more about you. more about one of your passions that we did not really get to share too much of. i cant wait to listen to them all. and when i do. hope youre there with me and we can dance the night away. i'll see you again next week man. till then. watch over us ok.